do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
