This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
