my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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