i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
