So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
