just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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