im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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