She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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