So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
