do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
