I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
send nudes
from the living room?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
