This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
