Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
