mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
