Do you still have your period?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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