Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Found your dick twin last night
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
did i just pee glitter
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
