She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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