I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
