At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
