decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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