if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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