I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
