idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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