textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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