please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
