the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
