My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
