when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
