my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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