you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
