The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
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