Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
