ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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