why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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