i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
