Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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