Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
