I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
