turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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