We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
