fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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