if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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