a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
