where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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