You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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