I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
