Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Too much gin, very little bucket
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
