So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
