Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
