Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She told me I should be a condom model.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
