You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
