just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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