If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
