btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
