I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
